Developing routines to begin understanding the world.

As adults we have a very specific and measured understanding of time, 5:00am alarm goes off, Saturday sleep in late, 7:35am 5 minutes late to work, for infants their understanding of their day is not focused on a clock but rather routines. Play, eat, sleep, play, eat, sleep and as they grow that becomes more complex to include things like bath time, walking the dog, and reading a story not until they are around four do children begin to understand days of the week, periods of time, past, and future.

One source of stress for infants and toddlers is when they don’t understand what is going on or when they believe something different should be going on. When that routine changes or when the day is not in a routine at all children tend to get stressed out, cry, have tantrums, and not listen. As adults we work to create routines children can understand not only to avoid all the stress responses listed above but also to support children’s understanding of their world and beginning to understand time. Parents should begin to think about creating routines starting from birth to help children understand their world which will reduce their stress and create more happy times. 

In the classroom, we work to create routines in our classrooms that the children can understand. For morning group time each day we sing ‘The More We Get Together’ and amazingly (or not) after just a few weeks children as young as 12 months will begin to take that song as a cute to come to the group area, without direction. Parents often ask “How do you get them all to sleep at the same time?” We know they are tired, we create a climate for sleeping, turn off the lights, turn on soft music. We use the same routine every day, get your mat, get your blankie, sing one song, read one story, and say goodnight. 

It takes time to develop a routine and even after it is developed sometimes children fight it or it must get changed but taking the time to develop routines is important for children’s learning and your sanity. Think about the world from their perspective, people are picking you up moving you around, putting you to sleep, feeding you, playing with you and if you had no idea when and no time to prepare for a new thing happening it would be frightening and upsetting. Start from infancy by telling your baby “I am going to pick you up” each time you pick them up; they will start to relate those words, pattern, and tones and be able to prepare themselves. Use songs as transitional routines (going to the car, going to the table for dinner, etc.) and for more difficult transitions such as settling down to sleep use a song and a book. As children begin to understand the routines things will begin to move smoother and children will be much happier. 

Questions or comments on routines you use in your house are welcome.

High Cost of Child Care

I have been reading the findings from the 2011 Parents and the High Cost of Child Care report published by the National Child Care Resource and Referral Agency and the results are quite sad. Parents throughout the United States are struggling to afford child care and in many instances quality is sacrificed because parents simply can’t afford a quality facility.

In Virginia the average cost of full time center based care for an infant is $8,800 per year. As many of you know care in Charlottesville is much more expensive but using the statistics from the report the average two-parent family 9.7% of their income on infant care, 31.2% of single parent income is spent on child care. Virginia is not the worst by far there are other states where child care is 16% of two parent median income. When parents have more than one child in care it becomes even less affordable. If you’re interested in additional data on Virginia or other states I would be happy to share it with you or you can access the report at http://www.naccrra.org/publications/naccrra-publications/publications/Cost%20Report%202011.pdf

One of the most real numbers parents can relate to is the cost of care compared to public college tuition. Many parents spend years saving for college tuition however in 36 states the annual cost of full time child care in a center is higher that public college tuition. Virginia misses that statistic by $14, the average cost of care being $8,800 and the average tuition and fees and a public college in Virginia is $8,814. The most upsetting part is that public assistance through grants and loans are available if a child chooses to attend college whereas parents to continue working must place their child in some type of care and there is no assistance available. Families don’t have 18 years to save for the cost of infant care. There are some other options for families that cannot afford center based care but other care arrangements are unregulated for health, safety, background checks, and of unknown quality.  

As families of middle incomes struggle the low income families are hit even harder, many families can’t afford to send their child to a high quality center. The result is children that don’t have the social, emotional, and cognitive skills to prepare them for public school. The public ends up paying more to support and assist these children that didn’t have a proper foundation for education.

Hopefully as we share these startling facts we can start to work together to change the system to support young children and their families during this critical developmental period.

An 18 Month Old Suspended ?!?

I was recently informed that my niece an 18 month old little girl was suspended from daycare for punching a child with her fist. I think they kicked her out two weeks. After hearing this I laughed a bit and then thought a little more about how actually wrong this is.

I believe we can support children's development through patience and understanding. As children learn to interact with one another, communicate, and negotiate situations aggressive behavior is common. I believe we can best promote non aggressive solutions by teaching children better ways to communicate and handle social situations. If we simply suspend a toddler for aggressive behavior we are creating a situation of disconnection and isolation rather than connection and learning.

After further thought I recalled the quote from "I Thought It Was Just Me", "If you want to make a difference, the next time you see someone being cruel to another human being, take it personally. Take it personally because it IS personal!" Brene Brown further explained that when we see someone creating disconnection we must work to change the culture towards connection, understanding, and learning. Though I wouldn't consider suspending an 18 month old child 'cruel' but it does promote a culture of disconnection rather than learning at a time when children are learning how to connect, create relationships, and communicate.

So I called the center and asked to speak with the director hoping to simply discuss with her, her child development philosophy and the policy of the program. I told her I wanted to talk with her about her program and she responded that she was too busy. My mother asked if I would just simply drop the issue considering that my niece doesn't need to be dragged into a child development debate. This is all so fresh in my mind I plan to think a bit more about it, consider calling again, writing a letter, or speaking with the program supervisors... How do we go about changing this culture and creating more connection not just for my niece but for the other children in that program and in other programs... I know this director is likely overwhelmed but I want to reach to her and support her, the program, and the children...

Know the research, Know your beliefs, Value all people from infancy

Review and Reflection on "The Scientist in the Crib" by Alison Gopnik, Andrew Meltzoff, and Patricia Kuhl

In a child development class in college I was assigned a book called “The Scientist in the Crib” and like most college students I never really read the book, mostly just skimmed the parts I needed. Last year I was at a conference and the presenters recommended the book to a coworker of mine. I thought I have that book, I should read it. So I pulled out this book from the stack of possibly useful things I saved from college and began reading. I would highly recommend this book to any teachers or parents that want to better understand and value infants and toddlers.

The book outlines current research about young children and articulates it in a way that is easy and fun to learn. Furthermore the wording and content book can help parents and teachers articulate their philosophy and beliefs about children in a new way. I have taken a few quotes from the book that inspired me and I will explain why these stories and this research are important to young children and their caregivers.

The book examines empirical data that shows children in a new clearer light. The research has shown, “Children won’t take in what you tell them until it makes sense to them.” p169 basically when a infant or a child sees or is told something that doesn’t make sense to them they do not learn it, they do not retain the information, and they will not repeat it. The brain has a specialized ability to learn a vast amount of information but this is telling us that if that information doesn’t make sense the children will not learn it. For teachers, parents, and other caregivers this means that we must stop ‘teaching’ arbitrary information. Children learn through understanding and meaning. As we work with our children we have to teach to a level they can understand or the brain will not take in the information.

Another important section discusses a study of brains in rats. The study found that rats in a poor environment had 14% smaller brains then rats in typical or experience rich environments. This is actually good news for teachers and families. Basically to create more learning we need to give children access to typical experience rich environments. Children don’t need anything special to learn they just need an environment to explore. However on the other side if children’s environment is poor they will like the rats not have many experience and create fewer connections in their brains. In the final chapter of the book the authors make many statements that support my personal beliefs about children and learning. “Babies are already as smart as they can be, they know what they need to know, and they are very effective and selective in getting the kinds of information they need. They are designed to learn about the real world that surrounds them, and they learn by playing with things in that world, most of all by playing with the people who love them.” p201. Throughout the book research shows that infants and toddlers’ brains are designed to learn and very well designed to learn mostly from other people but also from exploring their world.

I was surprised and saddened to read that a great deal of research showed parents didn’t believe very young children could experience emotion. This is false, “Babies’ minds are at least as rich, as abstract, as complex, as powerful as ours. Babies think, reason, learn, and know as well as act and feel.” p208 Research shows babies can do these things, we can only help them if we don’t see them as innately deficient and rather as powerful learners.

I am a strong proponent of children’s rights and I think that this final quote from the book was one of the most inspiring. If educators and parents would adopt this way of thinking the next generation of children would learn and grow to be more magnificent than anyone could imagine. “…The new research shows that babies and young children are fully human beings in their own right. We may not have much control over how children turn out, but we do have enormous power over their lives as children, and those lives are as valuable and important as adult lives. Children aren’t just valuable because they will turn into grown-ups but because they are thinking feeling individual people themselves.” p208 And I will repeat, “Those lives are as valuable and important as adult lives, not just because they will turn into grown-ups but because they ARE thinking feeling individual people themselves.” Children are people, infants are people, they’re lives are not valued by the grown-ups they will someday become but by their individuality their ability to learn, experience the world, and grow and to help us as adults do the same. We can best help children learn and grow by taking this mindset, valuing them as individuals with rights, thoughts, feelings, and ideas in every moment, at every stage, throughout their childhood and adult lives.

Emotions and Children

I recently read Berne Brown’s, “I Thought it Was Just Me, But it Isn’t”. My father sent me the book months ago saying that he had started reading it, and thought I should read it. After reading the introduction I had to put it down. It was somewhat sad, why on earth would he send me a book about shame. I picked it back up last month and began reading. Brown is a shame researcher that wrote “I Thought it was Just Me” about the emotion of shame, what it is, and how to begin to manage it. Just as you are probably thinking what does this have to do with infants and toddlers, I was reading wondering what my father thought this had to do with me?

In the book, Dr. Brown compiled shame research and designed a method to work towards shame resilience. As I read I began to relate my life and my work to the research about shame. I recommend the book both for those who deal with children and families and all people seeking to better understand and navigate the emotional world. I will do my best to summarize and emphasize the segments that I believe can help children and families.

 What is shame? Shame is defined in “I Thought It Was Just Me” as an intense emotional feeling that one is not valuable or worthy as an individual. Guilt is not shame; guilt is feeling badly for doing something wrong, shame on the other hand is feeling we are a bad person because of something we did. Shame is sometimes also confused with self-esteem; self-esteem is however how valuable we believe we are as an individual in a comparative thought out method of valuation rather than an intense negative emotion. In all the research shame is constantly proved only to be a destructive emotion, Brown states that “shame is so overbearing and painful that regardless of the intent it moved them [the subjects studied] away from being able to grow, change, and respond in any kind of genuine or authentic way.” (62) Feeling ashamed does not help change people or their behaviors because people in shame believe that they are bad, and they cannot apologize for something they are.

Once we understand shame is never a valuable motivator or change agent we then must commit to protecting ourselves and our children from shame and supporting one another when we experience shame. According to Brown we must develop shame resistance and when applying this to children I focused on two of the elements talking openly about emotions, and practicing empathy. Brown reminds us the importance of giving children the PROPER vocabulary to navigate their emotions. Often we as teachers, families, and caregivers rely on the simple happy, sad, and angry when discussing emotions with young children. Children can experience a full range of emotions just like adults and helping children put words to the way they are feeling can help them to manage their emotions and deal with the way they feel. Also it’s important that we understand some emotions such as shame or disappointment can be outwardly expressed as anger or sadness. If we use and provide children with the vocabulary necessary it is easier and more satisfying when we try to discuss and deal with emotions. Open communication is an important part of shame resilience. The women studied dealt with shame much better when there was someone they could openly communicate their feelings with. Children need to know that it is ok to have feelings and that talking about why they are feeling a certain way can be helpful. Most important children and adults need to have a place or person that they know will listen empathetically. Though no two people can have identical experiences we as humans have the ability to hear about experiences different than our own and empathize, relate emotionally, to another’s story. Children as young as two begin to show clear signs of empathy. Parents, teachers, and caregivers should support the building of empathy by encouraging sharing of emotions and stories, listening skills, and a wide vocabulary of emotional words.

Finally Brown discusses the ways we can change our culture to reduce the fear, blame, and disconnection and move toward courage, compassion, connection, and shame resilience. Brown writes about her observations of young children that have not yet learned how to ‘hide, filter, and manipulate’ their emotions. These are our children and they are just learning to navigate the emotional world. We need help children understand and communicate their feelings so they feel comfortable with themselves and the emotions they are feeling. As adults we change our emotions to ‘fit in’ because we all desire a sense of belonging. By talking about emotions we can fulfill our need to belong and include others rather than disconnecting and hiding emotions. The last two pages are dedicated completely to educators and parents explaining that shame and shame resilience start at home. If you happen upon this book in the book store read those last two pages (it won’t ruin it) and I think then you will want to see what she has to say.

I want to close with a sentence that really resonated with me as something to promote further thought. Brown wrote, “”I’m afraid the social-community pressure to appear learned has become more important than actually learning.” That sentence stuck with me, mostly because I see that pressure frequently. I think that as educators and caregivers we need to make I don’t know an ok response. Not knowing something is often taken as a negative, a source of shame, disappointment, and thus disconnection, but what this does is causes children to pretend as if they know or guess instead of questioning and learning. I do not know should be encouraged not as a disregard or as a lazy statement but so that children have the opportunity to recognize that I don’t know is a chance to learn. We need to be sure in our classrooms and our homes we encourage learning over knowing because not knowing can lead to further study.

Language and Literacy for Reggio Inspired Teachers

I attended a conference today regarding the development of language and literacy in young children. One of the teachers in attendance asked, "With all the books, videos, and ideas out there, how do you know what is right?" The instructor gave what I think is a great answer, "It depends on your culture." I was talking to her earlier and as teachers we deal with philosophies, regulations, licensing, personal beliefs, and the realities of working with many small children. I told her that you need to find your own philosophy, keep up with research, and fit within your school's parameters. There is no correct way to teach children, we have to take what we know about how children learn and do our best to help them.

I think that one of the most important things that I heard the man say today was, "Relax because if you're stressed you are going to stress out the child. He/she is learning less if you stress them out. I am relaxing because I want your child to learn." It's blunt but I think it's true children develop at different rates, the more we push them the harder it is. We learn best when we have an intrinsic desire to know. When we are interested we will learn and the same goes for children. All we can do is support them, provide the materials and follow their interests (their intrinsic desire to learn).

One discussion was the my baby can read videos and the presenters were very clear in their answer. Reading is the ability to comprehend that specific symbols when put together have a specific concrete meaning. The my baby can read video teaches children to memorize a symbol (word) and make a sound when they see that word. The children will then appear to read but have no understanding of the meaning behind the word or the letters in the word that can be complied to an infinite number of words and meanings. Furthermore I want to emphasize that language is about social interaction there is more to language and literacy that the ability to speak, read, and write. Children need to be able to communicate and understand others communication. Language and literacy develop best in the context of strong relationships. Repetitive social interactions with loving family and friends.

So don't rush your children, provide a loving, supporting, text rich environment with positive books, music, and language. Children are natural language learners so relax.

Also, if you have any questions regarding language and/or literacy with infants and toddlers please don't hesitate to ask, anyway I can help.