Mommy would like it if you..

Motivating your child through their desire to please you is com-mon for most families. This month I’d like to challenge you to think about if that is how you wish to motivate your child. I know sometimes you can’t think of anything else to say but if you hold your long term goals in mind you will realize this isn’t the best motivator to use regularly. Young children have a strong desire to please the adults in their lives but it is still extrinsic motivation. Any time we use extrinsic motivation to get our child to act we have to recognize we are teaching them how to make decisions. If we say “Mommy would like it if you…” then we are telling them you should make the decision based on what mommy wants, to please her. If children learn to make decisions based on what pleases another, mommy might motivate children through this desire to please. Over time children will grow and they no longer will be seeking to please their parents. At that point children who have learned to make decisions by choosing what pleases others might choose what would please a misguided friend or teenage romantic partner. This is not to say all children that seek to please their parents will later make poor choices seeking to please others, however decision making is learned. Ultimately we want children to make the decision to act in a way that is consistent with their inner goals and values. When supporting your child to make a decision try to think of a deeper reason why. You may still occasionally motivate your child by their desire to please but there are many other reasons out there. If you think your child has an unhealthy desire to please others you can begin talking about their ideas. “What do you think about that?” “Did it go the way you wanted it to?” “How do you feel about it?” Tune children into their own inner power to evaluate their choices and think about their accomplishments

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