Breaking Bad Habits with Children

I recently worked on helping a parent dealing with finger sucking in her 4 year old. My advice:

I would try talk with her about it, she will give this up when she is ready and you can only help to support her. Basically you want the conversation to come from a non-judgmental place. Sometimes there are underlying feelings that need to be addressed. Children need words for the way they feel, this child was anxious so I recommended mom talk to her about that feeling be honest with her that you understand sucking on her finger makes her feel good but it is not good for her teeth.

When dealing with any difficult transition I recommend making a homemade book maybe the first page would say “Sometimes when  ________ feels sleepy or anxious she sucks on her finger to help her feel better.” And then the rest of the book should give her other specific things to do to feel better when she is feeling anxious (ie. Take a deep breath. Get a hug from a friend or mommy.) or when she is tired (snuggle into a pillow, cuddle a blanket, hug a teddy bear) I recommend letting her come up with her own ideas and then the last page is “_______ doesn’t need to suck on her fingers because she is safe, now she has a beautiful smile.” As much as you worry about her teeth try not to push too hard, she will want to give this up but maybe isn’t ready. Support her and ask her for ideas of ways she could give this up. Children will commonly come up with an arbitrary reason, ie on my 4th birthday, sometimes the reasoning is even sillier like, I will stop when I get a fish. Try to help her create a goal for herself rather than creating it for her.

Be wary of anyone that says they can make this happen for her because Tabasco on her fingers and other dramatic measures are going to make her afraid and we can’t grow when we are afraid. She needs to know she’s safe and learn other coping skills to replace this. This is something she needs to grow out of so you need to support her just like you did when she learned other things (walking, potty training), fear and judgment make everything worse. Children are smart and understand so let her think about it and she will come up with her own way. I hope this helps, I know that it’s not a fix all answer but you’ve been parenting long enough to know a fix all answer by the end of the week is not realistic anyway.

All parents are dealing with difficult habits that children develop. Sleeping/Eating/Soothing  Remember that children should be included in making goal and growing. Be consistent and supportive.