Explaining Changes, Teaching Skills, and Overcoming Challenges by: Creating Your Own Book

One look at children's literature and you can see so many books are written to teach children. "Hands Are Not For Hitting" "All Aboard the Potty Train" "No More Paci for Piggy" on and on. So often when parents or teachers come to me with challenges I encourage them to write their own children's story. Seems overwhelming but it isn't.

Keep it simple and focus on what you want to happen or what you want children to learn.

Simple story about sleeping in a big kid bed. Pg 1 "When you were born we were so happy." pg. 2 "NAME OF CHILD slept safely in your crib (or with mommy and daddy)." pg. 3 "You grew and you grew." pg. 4 "Every night we read one story, sang twinkle twinkle little star and you slept." (use your routine, bath, stories, bottle, etc.) pg 5 "Soon/Now you have a new bed." pg 6 "Every night we will read one story, sing twinkle twinkle little star, and you will sleep. Safely all night long." pg 7 "Every morning the sun comes up and we will play together all day." --- Simple and to the point you should use the child's name wherever you can to help make it personal. Add pages for specific struggles, ie. If you wake up in the night you are safe and you hug your blankie and go back to sleep.

Simple story to explain the death of a pet to a 2-4 year old. Pg 1 "We are so lucky to b a family." Pg 2 "Some families have pets." Pg 3 "Together we love them and take care of them." Pg 4 "But as animals get older their body gets weaker and sometimes they die." Pg 5 "This is sad and difficult for the whole family." Pg 6 "We will miss them now that they are gone but we will always have our memories." - Add lots of photos of families playing with their pets.

You can create these stories for your children, they don't need to be bound or perfectly written. You can print them off the computer and staple them together, or get printed photos and cut them out as a family. Stories can also promote learning after a fun vacation or trip. "Our Family Trip to the Zoo" Stories help older children connect with younger children. It is a truly wonderful way to deepen learning so take on the challenge and create your own family book!

*Need help, add comments and I will be happy to help!

Choosing Children's Books

Children adore book the pictures and the story they tell. Buying a children's book can be an overwhelming decision. Thousands of books all with different purposes, some to teach colors or numbers, stories that have meanings and morals, tales that are passed down by generations, some books that contain simple photos and words seemingly at random, and books that children love yet seem to have no meaning to adults.

When I am choosing books for children I first look at the age of the children and then the purpose of the book. Do I want the children to 'read' this independently or with an adult? Do I have a learning goal for the child?

When choosing books for very young infants 0-5 months.
 I choose vibrant pictures with sharp contrast. Books like the Brown Bear series are a good example because they have one concept on most pages, you can set the book up for the children to examine the photos or you can read the story. The Brown Bear story is one of the stories that has no plot and seemingly no meaning to adults but for children they are learning from the animal on the page we are looking at what to expect next. That things exist even when you can't see them. Rhythm of hearing about something then seeing it. Books can be a great way to engage children during the difficult tummy times of the first few months.

As you get to the middle of the infant age group (the ages overlap a bit) 4-10 months. Children will begin to love reading with you as well as independently. Purchase the cardboard books so children have the opportunity to explore independently. Look for real photos rather than cartoons. During the concrete ages children can relate a real photo better to the real thing it represents better than a drawing of that thing. Meaning a 7 month old knows what their dog is and can find them at the park, a photo of a dog in a book is the first symbolic representation then a drawing. Photos and drawings of people in particularly people's faces draw children's attention. At this age children are beginning to make sounds and they like books with animals sounds, drumming, or truck sounds as well as textures. The touch and feel books are a favorite of this age group. You can also start to introduce stories, looking for books that rhyme or have a rhythm will help children to focus and understand the story. Books where there are lift the flap pages or textures can keep children engaged as you read the story.

Older infants and young toddlers will start to show interest in reading books independently. By the time children get to this age you want to have acquired and read a number of the simple stories such as Brown Bear, Goodnight Moon, or the one shown in this photo I love you through and through. Children will go to these to 'read' independently, they remember the story and can tell you it from the simple pictures. At this age we typically start introducing book that are based on children's interests. Truck stories, monkey stories, building stories, silly stories, stories about emotions, and morals.

The most important thing when looking for books for older toddlers and preschools becomes not the book but the way in which you read it. Children learn when they are engaged so ask children open ended questions; What do you think the zoo keeper should do? Questions about literacy; can you find the first word on this page? Have fun, be silly, and laugh together.


Children will rip pages, eat the binding, and throw the books but continue to talk about respecting the books, using them for reading, and repair them with your child. Over time they will learn to respect and love their books and because they were able to use books they will develop a natural desire to read. In the words of a curious four year old, "What do those words say?"

Few additional notes, multi-language learners. Some books come in two languages on each page, it is recommended you read the entire book in one language not each language on each page or alternating language.

Silly books and why children love them. If you give a mouse a cookie series: they love it because it's exactly how they think, one topic to another to another to another until finally they remember the whole reason it got started. Two year olds think just this way, with little ability to block out distractions the story may seem to make no since to the adult but this is something they relate to. Llama Llama series, it puts emotions, real feeling photos and words to the way they feel some parents are uncomfortable with the amount of emotions the Llama Llama series shows but children are experiencing these emotions and the books are acknowledging that. Remember you as a parent can acknowledge something is without agreeing with it or accepting it. Talk to your toddlers about Llama Llama being upset and what they can do when they feel that way, ie. take a deep breath.

Finally, stories we used for thousands of years to pass on history, lessons, traditions and build understanding for children, you can do that too by making up your own story.

Do we have too high of expectations when it comes to parenting!?

I read a interesting article this week in Real Simple Magazine. DO WE SPEND TOO MUCH TIME WITH OUR KIDS? Being the director of a child care center and a long time teacher it certainly caught my attention. "I never get to see my children." Sound like you? (and every parent we know!?) Turns out today's mothers both working and stay-at-home are logging more child care hours than in the past. Surveys show in 2010 all mothers spend more than 14 hours a week with their children up from 10 hours a week in 1965???

Why then do we feel that we aren't getting enough time with our children. Parenting has become more time intensive, these days parents are expected to do more than just provide food, shelter, and lots of love. Today's parents take on more responsibilities in regards to planning children's activities. Infants start taking classes and toddlers start organized sports making parenting a full time profession. Society is telling you that despite you spending significantly more time on child rearing than parents of the past you aren't doing enough. Marketing campaigns are telling you that for your child to succeed you need to do more, schedule more, and spend more time with them.

THAT IS NOT TRUE. Spend quality time with your children but give them some space, free time, and don't feel guilty taking time for yourself. As Sarah Robbins of Real Simple Magazine Says "Some parents believe a good mother needs to but her child's needs before everything else and that's not healthy. Nor does it make us good role models. After all, if our ultimate goal is to have our kids find personal fulfillment, perhaps we should lead by example." Taking time for yourself and waiting until elementary school to start organizing sport schedules isn't going to hurt your children. They need our love, support, and encouragement but not our 24 hour servant services. Unstructured play is important for children too! We all need space and time to relax, take yours and give your children some!

Breaking Bad Habits with Children

I recently worked on helping a parent dealing with finger sucking in her 4 year old. My advice:

I would try talk with her about it, she will give this up when she is ready and you can only help to support her. Basically you want the conversation to come from a non-judgmental place. Sometimes there are underlying feelings that need to be addressed. Children need words for the way they feel, this child was anxious so I recommended mom talk to her about that feeling be honest with her that you understand sucking on her finger makes her feel good but it is not good for her teeth.

When dealing with any difficult transition I recommend making a homemade book maybe the first page would say “Sometimes when  ________ feels sleepy or anxious she sucks on her finger to help her feel better.” And then the rest of the book should give her other specific things to do to feel better when she is feeling anxious (ie. Take a deep breath. Get a hug from a friend or mommy.) or when she is tired (snuggle into a pillow, cuddle a blanket, hug a teddy bear) I recommend letting her come up with her own ideas and then the last page is “_______ doesn’t need to suck on her fingers because she is safe, now she has a beautiful smile.” As much as you worry about her teeth try not to push too hard, she will want to give this up but maybe isn’t ready. Support her and ask her for ideas of ways she could give this up. Children will commonly come up with an arbitrary reason, ie on my 4th birthday, sometimes the reasoning is even sillier like, I will stop when I get a fish. Try to help her create a goal for herself rather than creating it for her.

Be wary of anyone that says they can make this happen for her because Tabasco on her fingers and other dramatic measures are going to make her afraid and we can’t grow when we are afraid. She needs to know she’s safe and learn other coping skills to replace this. This is something she needs to grow out of so you need to support her just like you did when she learned other things (walking, potty training), fear and judgment make everything worse. Children are smart and understand so let her think about it and she will come up with her own way. I hope this helps, I know that it’s not a fix all answer but you’ve been parenting long enough to know a fix all answer by the end of the week is not realistic anyway.

All parents are dealing with difficult habits that children develop. Sleeping/Eating/Soothing  Remember that children should be included in making goal and growing. Be consistent and supportive.